Quotes by : Demetri Martin

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to....

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met....

Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really....

It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else....

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people,....

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if....

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no....

But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams,....