Quotes by : Demetri Martin

Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed....

I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along....

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people,....

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no....

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said....

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped....

But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams,....

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.