Quotes by : Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different....

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car,....

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how....

For a single woman preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be....