Quotes by : Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over....

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade....

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button,....

I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing.....

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other....

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.

Trust me, there's not one night a week I'm not in a theater somewhere. I adore theater, and I go out....

With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is....

We Can't Afford to Doubt Ourselves I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through....