Quotes by : Joan Rivers

My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover,....

I hate housework! You make the beds you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over....

I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore.....

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.....

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks....

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still....

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over he would have put diamonds on the floor.....

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'