Quotes by : Joe Dunthorne

Oliver, we’ve got something to tell you,” Dad says, dumping a cardboard box full of garden waste....

Problems are like top trumps. I have a pretty good card: Adulterous Mum. But Jordana's is still better:....

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

I would never say snog. I would say osculate." She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a....

I tell myself not to feel sexually threatened. I am of no special interest he could just as easily be....

The next thing Jordana says makes me realize that it's too late to save her. "I've noticed that when....

My mother tells me I do not chew my food enough; she says I am making it harder for my body to get the....

Seducing Jordana was solid – she's got such high standards – but when I finally got the snogs in....

I am one of those servants – butlers usually – who respectfully points out when their master is about....