Quotes by : Johnny Carson

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself,....

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he....

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

I know a man who gave up smoking drinking sex and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he....

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.....

Just be yourself -- it's the only way it can work.