Quotes by : Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put....

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still....

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.