Quotes by : Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your....

I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over....

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything....

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.....

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.