Quotes by : Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.