Quotes by : Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'....

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional,....

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she....

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over....

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything....

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.