Quotes by : Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”"Don't vote. It just....

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe....

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking....

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it....

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after....

The human race has been set up. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently women....

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car....

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination....

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.