Quotes by : Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe....

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking....

Marriage is a wonderful invention but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it....

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

The human race has been set up. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently women....

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.....

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car....

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination....