Quotes by : Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got....

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe....

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking....

Marriage is a wonderful invention but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

The human race has been set up. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently women....

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car....

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination....

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's....