Quotes by : Eddie Izzard

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton....

But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The....

Never put a sock in a toaster.

If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground....

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!

We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized you could buy a packet of cereal with a free gift and....

They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood....