Quotes by : George Carlin

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up....

A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class....

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

Life is sacred"? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading....

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of....