Quotes by : George Carlin

You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow....

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us....

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class....

Life is sacred"? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading....

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because....

You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved....

Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of....

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's....

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.....