Quotes by : Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women....

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell....

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy....

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.