Quotes by : Groucho Marx

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy....

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the....

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go....