Quotes by : Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass....

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and....

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' you know he is crooked.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.