Quotes by : Groucho Marx

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' you know he is crooked.

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I....

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.