Quotes by : Josh Stern

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're....

Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette

If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody

I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..."
....

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control