Quotes by : Larry David

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they....

Golf and dating don't mix.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because....

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're....