Quotes by : Larry David

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they....

Golf and dating don't mix.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because....

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because....

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

I'd like to start a family but you have to have a date first.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're....