Quotes by : Lewis Black

When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should....

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore,....

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic,....

All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed....

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the....

I'm not a big birthday guy I never have been.

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap.....