Quotes by : Lewis Black

When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should....

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point....

If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold....

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic,....

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen,....

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster....

I'm not a big birthday guy I never have been.

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap.....