Quotes by : Lewis Black

When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should....

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point....

If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold....

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the....

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar....

I'm not a big birthday guy I never have been.

Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.