Quotes by : Lewis Black

If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold....

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic,....

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the....

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen,....

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar....

I'm not a big birthday guy I never have been.

Lactose intolerant milk?! KISS, MY, DICK!

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars.....