Quotes by : Lewis Grizzard

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score....

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat....

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs,....

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.....

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.