Quotes by : Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.

Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and....