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Author - Mitch Hedberg
Quotes by : Mitch Hedberg
Fake
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Really
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
Like
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Woman
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Fire
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have....
You
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Sex
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
Water
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Buy
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
food
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
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