Quotes by : Tom Upton

Librarians are notorious snitches—don’t let anybody convince you otherwise.

Who in their right mind counts the tiles on the floor when they go visiting a neighbor?

You can’t believe in fate only when it sends you something you want, only when things turn out right.....

You know, my main goal in life is trying not to end up in a straightjacket.

I’ve always found wildlife very calming-- except when animals are eating each other, of course.

...Life is much simpler if you don’t notice anything....

I figured it is always better to be unpopular by your own choice.

UNDERTAKER!” the head boomed. “BOY, DO I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU!

Some people are born to weirdness,” Jerry said, “and others have weirdness thrust upon them.

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged.