Quotes by : W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

I like children - fried.

It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes I'll get another....

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.