Quotes by : Chelsea Handler

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her,....

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.

And just like that, as if I hadn't said anything at all, the ladies sprang into a conversation about....

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case....

Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean,....

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas.......

If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.....

There are many ways to get to know someone, and my favorite is seeing them naked in Happy Baby pose.I....

I can't," I said. "I threw my back out masturbating.

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people....