Quotes by : Chelsea Handler

I had heard my brothers and sisters use curse words but had never dared use one myself in front of anyone.....

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time....

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us....

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case....

Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? Babies....

Seconds later, the female security officer grabbed a pair of my father's shorts from the top of the duffel....

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be....

I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money in....

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things....