Quotes by : Jim Gaffigan

When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.

All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure....

For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly....

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder....

As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your....

I was only hit on once at the grocery store. I remember it was early one Saturday morning and I was buying....

There are people who eat only organic food, and then there are people who don’t have tons of money....

I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good....

Children have a tendency to behave as poorly as the most poorly behaved kid in the room. The laws of....