Quotes by : Jim Gaffigan

When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.

All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure....

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder....

As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your....

Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I....

I was only hit on once at the grocery store. I remember it was early one Saturday morning and I was buying....

There are people who eat only organic food, and then there are people who don’t have tons of money....

TV news is like kryptonite to children. The two major shifts in taste for children to adulthood are news....

Bedtime makes you realize how completely incapable you are of being in charge of another human being.....