Quotes by : Patton Oswalt

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible,....

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing....

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.

Does anyone act more like an overserious senior citizen with time running out on their chance for immortality....

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman....

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred....

I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy:....

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally,....

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.....

I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up....