Quotes by : Phyllis Diller

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months....

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided....

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next....

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old which made a lot of sense....

Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your fuckingXmas card

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.