Quotes by : Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next....

I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread....

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.