Quotes by : Steven Wright

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?....

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report.....

So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing.....

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I'm writing a book. I'm almost finished. I numbered the pages. Now all I have to do is fill them in.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.