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Author - Steven Wright
Quotes by : Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Myself
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report.....
People
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give....
Luck
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
humor
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps....
Message
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when....
humor
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
humor
I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches....
Friends
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
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