Quotes by : Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making....

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches....

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast.....

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,....

It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.