Quotes by : Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

If I had my life to live over I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict,....

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says,....

I am two with nature.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn....

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.