Quotes by : Jerry Seinfeld

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

The best revenge is living well.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and....

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where....

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at....

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow....

We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little....