Quotes by : David Sedaris

If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.

Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Dracula....

The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.

...but wasn't everyone in England supposed to be a detective? Wasn't every crime, no matter how complex,....

He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.

What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone....

Owl love you forever

It bothered me that the bag bothered me more than head did, but what are you going to do? A person doesn't....

I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't....

I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.