Quotes by : David Sedaris

A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to....

He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!

Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those....

...but wasn't everyone in England supposed to be a detective? Wasn't every crime, no matter how complex,....

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy....

I don’t know why it was, exactly, but nothing irritated my father quite like the sound of his children’s....

The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return....

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical....

I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people....

When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,....